Unpredictable -

Boy-friend?

September 25, 2009

I made a whole blog post about how tiring my life is currently, but after reading it again, it wasn’t the most jubilant blog to read on the planet. So I was thinking back on what my life has been like OUTSIDE of school work, and there hasn’t much besides volleyball and cheer.

Last night, however, I met a friend since we have a national holiday in Korea called “Chusok.” We ate dinner and went to a cafe, talking about our crazy pasts with our ex-boyfriends/girlfriends. And then I began to wonder, what’s the difference between a best friend (that’s a guy) and a boyfriend? I mean really, you talk the same amount, hang out just as much, and are comfortable around each other.

The only difference I would say is being more physical openly and getting that little spark of excitement–in highschool at least. The fact is, in junior year, having a boyfriend is hard. You constantly have to worry about him, talk to him 24/7, meet him every weekend, and ensure that everything is okay all the time. You are always affected by this person greatly, knowing that he is titled the name “BOYFRIEND.” Whenever he’s hyper and happy, you change your mood based on that. Vice versa, when he’s depressed and looks sad, you HAVE to ask him what’s wrong and cheer him up. And when the guy is too lazy to answer, you become all grumpy too. And thus, I decided to take a break from this whole having a boyfriend thing, at least in junior year. I want to have fun, and it’s not even because of all the stress from grades–I’m tired of this whole process. It hinders my emotions way too much. It’s always going to be the same thing every time: like each other, go out, and then later because one person CHANGED, a break up occurs. It’s this whole process in high school that feels like repetition at times.

And this whole title “boyfriend/girlfriend” comes with expectations. Even with just a thing with someone doesn’t come with expectations — meeting, doing things all the time together, and just taking actions that do not deviate from the norm. It’s scary how much labels can mean, and how they affect you and your personality and actions.

Yes, I’ve recently been through this whole process again, but luckily this time, this guy was REALLY my best friend. My best friend turned boyfriend, now my bestie again. We’re slowly becoming our old crazy selves again, and it’s fun just hanging out and being our usual selves. Looking back, I don’t regret it. We had good moments and once a downhill, but for me, it’s all stored as good memories. Not that much drama, we just ended things on a clean slate and now he’s all mean to me again.

For now, I just want to get to know more people. It’s fun hanging out with everyone and not having to fret about anything. So for now, a boyfriend, for me, will be a friend that’s a guy. One who I can talk to about my problems, issues, and anything on my mind. One who I can be comfortable with. One who’s just my …best friend.

Entry Filed under: School life.. .